When the Line Blurs…..

February 29, 2012 By 3 Comments

 

Gatton Hall 10K Run - July 2011 - The Leading Lady in the Home Straight
Creative Commons License photo credit: gareth1953

I crouched to the ground, balancing on my hands, and placed my feet in the starting blocks. Then I carefully placed my fingers just so, as close to the white line as I could without touching it. I raised my head and focused on the finish line as I waited for the gun to fire.

I was a sprinter. My goal was simple – get out of the blocks fast and never look back. My focus was to run in a straight line without stopping until I crossed that finish line.

When I was in high school, college, and even in my early twenties I was focused on the finish line. The race didn’t matter to me – graduation, more honors, a job, more recognition….I never got tired of racing straight towards the finish line.

Then I got married and that straight path I was on started to blur. I became focused on being the best wife I could, the best pastor’s wife, the best employee.

Then I struggled with miscarriages and that all-important straight path got blurrier still. I quit my job and struggled to find my purpose as *just* a wife.

Then I became a momma against all odds…and suddenly the straight path I was running on was gone. I felt lost and confused – for most of my life I had run straight, and suddenly I had no idea how to navigate this new path which was full of hills, curves, stop signs and dead ends.

I was scared, and feared that I would never find my way to that straight path again.

After four years I still have yet to find that straight path. Instead, I’m becoming more comfortable on this hilly road called motherhood. I don’t get a medal for cleaning up yet another dirty diaper, or keeping up with the laundry, or wiping milk off the floor for the 15th time. I’ve been up and down and all around more times than I can count, and there are days when I long for that straight path and the comfort that came with it.

Until I am smothered with kisses from Bella and asked to play *just one more* game with Sophie – and suddenly this new road is exactly where I want to be.

What path are you running along?

Filed Under: Battles, Emotional, Mental Tagged With: , , , , , 3 Comments

This Race Called Life

February 27, 2012 By 5 Comments

Isaiah 40:31  ”but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength.

They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”

Funny how life happens. It is a marathon, not a sprint, isn’t it?

I feel the fog lifting…the weariness ending.

Then it suffocates again.

The times of hopelessness are fewer….

My HOPE in Him….

The PROMISES He gives….

Matthew 11:28-29

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.

Take my yoke upon you and learn from me,

for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”

I CAN run this race called life…

I WILL not grow faint….

Philippians 4:13  ”I can do all things through him who strengthens me.”

No matter how weary I get….

How I don’t want to continue this race of life….

HE WILL NEVER LEAVE ME!

HE WILL ALWAYS BE THERE!

He will be there for you too!

Seasons change….

You CAN do this….

This Race Called Life

 

Filed Under: Battles, Emotional Tagged With: , , , , 5 Comments

I Just Keep Running

February 24, 2012 By 6 Comments

Run

photo courtesy of  Lel4nd

 

I am running.

I have been running and I keep running and running and running.  I can’t seem to stop.  And some days I feel as if I have gotten nowhere.  I am struggling again this week. Or should I say running harder?

No, I am not a runner or a jogger.

What do I mean by I am running?

I am running from myself, or maybe I should say from thoughts in my head, feelings in my heart, words from my mouth, actions from my body.  

And that means I am running from Satan.

Satan gets ahold of me and doesn’t let me go.  I keep running but I am held tight.  I keep trying to get out of his grasp but it doesn’t work, or it doesn’t work for long.  I want out of his grasp longer–actually, forever!

Some days I feel like I get somewhere and I feel good. My thoughts are pure and loving and so are my words and actions, but then Satan pulls me back again.  Why?  Why can’t I get to the finish line and just get out of this race?  Why do I keep losing the battle daily?

I just keep on running because that is all I know to do.  I  am running to HIM, my Father, because he is my only hope, my only help…………..my only stopping place.

One day, at the end of my race, I know HE will win and Satan will lose. But until then, I need daily help running so I don’t quit and give up and let Satan’s hold on me remain.

 1 Corinthians 9:24

The Message (MSG)

 24-25You’ve all been to the stadium and seen the athletes race. Everyone runs; one wins. Run to win. All good athletes train hard. They do it for a gold medal that tarnishes and fades. You’re after one that’s gold eternally.

Do you ever feel like this…like you can’t stop running from Satan because he starts controlling you, your thoughts and your actions?

Filed Under: Battles, Emotional, Mental, Spiritual Tagged With: , , , , , , 6 Comments

In the Event of an Emergency

February 23, 2012 By 3 Comments

It’s tough when everything feels like an emergency.

Work deadlines, meetings, sick kids, worrying about letting people down….

(add your own emergencies to this list)

Ever feel like EVERYTHING is saying, “Slow down, you’re going way too fast!”

Warning by hopewilbanks, on Pix-O-Sphere

Photo by Hope @ Pixosphere

I feel that way.  I feel spent, tired, unable to give anymore to any job, ministry, family.

And when I’m tired and spent, I know I need rest.

Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.”

Matthew 11:26

I realize I have nothing to give to my goals, dreams, wishes, or my family when I am spent.

And then I’m reminded of what the flight attendants say before the flight.

In the event of an emergency, please place the oxygen mask over your own face before you help those around you.

You know why, right?  If you’re passed out, you’re not much help to those around you!!!

I’m having very little success in my own efforts around these parts.  My weight loss, my passion as a mother. I realize that having nothing to give means one thing…I need my own oxygen mask first.  It’s no wonder I lose my patience with my kids when I haven’t slept at night.  I understand why I can’t seem to catch up on housework when I have no energy.  My job (outside the home) gets on my every last nerve when I know I haven’t used my time wisely at home.

How about you?

Do you need to revive yourself?  Do you need a break from the emergencies in order to get yourself back in check?  Do you need a nap?

Let us know how you’re doing.  We want to pray for you and help you.  We’re all in this together.  Let’s get our own oxygen masks on first, then we can be better at being the women we want to be!!!

 

Join us!!!

Filed Under: Accountability, Emotional, Mental, Physical Tagged With: , , , 3 Comments

You Can’t Run Alone

February 22, 2012 By 19 Comments

It’s hard to run this race all alone.

I hear the buzzing of my phone in my room, indicating I’ve received a text. I walk over to the antique desk where my phone continues to pulsate against the wood. The distinct golden grain of the oak secretary begins to blur in my vision as I look down at the phone. Picking it up, I read, “You doing okay?” The tears have begun their descent, quick and hard.

Source

The text was from a dear friend, a sister in Christ. She knows the days have been hard. She knows of the internal battle I regularly fight against the lies in my mind and the tears I try so hard to contain.

The phone buzzes again. “What can I do? How can I pray?”

Scripture describes the Christian life in a number of ways–a path, a walk, and a race, to name just a few. I am not a runner, but one thing I’ve observed from watching friends who are:  it’s better to not train or run in a race alone.

The Christian life is a marathon, not a sprint. It’s a long journey that will challenge our endurance to the very core of our being. The blessing of having brothers and sisters in Christ who can run alongside us is an encouragement that keeps us moving forward.

An athlete who hears the cheers from friends and family in the stands is encouraged to keep going. Uplifting words spoken between teammates can rally a team to work harder. To run this race, we need our sisters in Christ. We need one another to spur us forward. It is essential that we surround ourselves with teammates who know us well.

Because some days, we might just want to drop out of the race all together.

source

I’m stumbling through the day, wondering if I can make it to bedtime. Feeling weary and heavy in heart, the lies seem to shout even louder, reverberating across the canyons of my mind. Then I hear my phone again. In the next text, she asks if she can take the kids for a while, giving me time alone. She knows me well enough to know just what I need. Since I won’t ask for it, she offers the help and encouragement my heart needs most.

She would have never known what I needed had I not allowed her to see me without my mask. I had to be real and transparent about my battles. I had to reveal my weaknesses and pain.

Sadly, many friendships in the church remain at a superficial level. Our pride keeps us from taking off our mask and stop pretending that we have it all together. We forget that we are all sinners, saved by grace. Not one of us has a better edge on this race than the other.

We need each other.

Have you taken off your mask to a few sisters in Christ? Have you allowed them to see the challenges you face in this race? Will you stop trying to run it alone?

Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works. Hebrews 10:24

Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

Brothers and sisters, we urge you to warn those who are lazy. Encourage those who are timid. Take tender care of those who are weak. Be patient with everyone. 1 Thessalonians 5:14

Filed Under: Accountability, Battles, Emotional, Friendship, Mental Tagged With: , , , , , , 19 Comments

My Reward and My Cheerleader

February 20, 2012 By 4 Comments

Image Credit : Danielle Walquist Lynch

Do you ever have those moments that only you truly appreciate – one of those “God-moments” that only makes sense to you?

Well, I’m going to share one of mine with you. Even if you don’t completely understand, I trust that some will “get it” and relate.

Last week I started my journey doing the Couch to 5K program.

“The idea is to transform you from couch potato to runner, getting you running three miles (or 5K) on a regular basis in just two months” From the Cool Running site

Day 1 Plan:

5 minutes of warm up
60 second run followed by a 90 second walk repeated for 20 minutes
5 minute cool down

What I love about the program is that even for me it sounded “do-able”.

The fact that I even wanted to try the program was a shock, even to my husband.  I’ve never been a runner.  I’ve broken my left ankle 2 times and sprained it more times than I can count.  I’m over 70 lbs overweight…All of these facts would be an acceptable excuse to not even try.  Regardless, I decided to give it a shot.

Last Wednesday night I hopped on the treadmill and started Day 1.  I set up my Ipad so I could use the C25K app (it allows you to play music from your iTunes while you do the program).

I walked for 5 minutes, then I ran for 60 seconds (not bad…), then walked again…back to the run…(oh my!)

About half way through, I was ready to give up. I turned to my husband and told him, “I don’t think I can do it.”  He just smiled.

I kept going.

A determination inside me showed up. I don’t know where it came from but I was determined to persevere, to push through the pain, to pace myself and not give up.

 

I wanted to prove myself wrong and finish.  It was hard. My legs hurt and I was exhausted. During my run, the music that played was from the Biggest Loser workout mix–fast paced workout tunes.  The very moment the little voice said “cool down” Pachalbel’s Canon came on.  A beautiful, peaceful, classical guitar version played by Trace Bundy (amazing classical guitarist). It was like receiving my little reward, my blessing for finishing the run.

“So I run with purpose in every step.”  1 Corinthians 9:26 (NLT)

I had my cheerleader – He was looking down on me, I believe that with all my heart. He knew I could do it, He believes in me! 

I’m only on my 3rd day with the Couch to 5K program. I’m determined to keep going.

Have you challenged yourself to do something that’s hard?  What keeps you going, how do you stay focused and motivated?  You’ve got a cheerleader too, you know.

He believes in you. 

Filed Under: Physical, Spiritual Tagged With: , , , , 4 Comments

Appraisal

February 18, 2012 By 9 Comments

 

We are currently going through the process of refinancing our house.

My husband informed me one day recently that someone was coming the next day to do “The Appraisal.”

Of course, my first response was one of grace and decorum. “What?! He can’t come! The house is a mess right now!” Truthfully, I don’t know whether a messy house can affect an appraisal, but I didn’t want anyone coming through our home either way!

The situation got me thinking about “appraisals” in general. By definition, an appraisal is:

an act of assessing something or someone; an expert estimate of the value of something.

When we make an appraisal of ourselves, how do we do it?

Often, I believe, we compare ourselves to others. We tend to base how well we’re doing in certain areas of life upon what we see others doing or being.

  • “I’m not leading a Bible study like she is–am I not as spiritually mature?”
  • “Should I be homeschooling since so many of my friends are doing it?”
  • “I don’t read…write…run…study…exercise…etc., like (fill in the blank) does.
  • “I’m not quite as overweight as her, so I’m doing ok.”
  • (Fill in your own comparison example)

Is this a healthy way to “appraise” ourselves? Pretty obvious answer. So, how should we evaluate? That’s probably pretty obvious too, but let me share a thought from Scripture anyway:

As God’s messenger, I give each of you this warning:  Be honest in your estimate of yourselves, measuring your value by how much faith God has given you. Just as our bodies have many parts and each part has a special function, so it is with Christ’s body…God has given each of us the ability to do certain things well… (Romans 12:3-6 NLT)

It might seem intimidating, but in truth it is freeing to measure ourselves by God’s standards rather than looking at everyone else around us.

First of all, our heavenly Father has given us such unique gifts and abilities, and he expects us to use those to please Him. Think about that! We are called to please ONE, to measure up to that ONE’s standards, not the many’s.

Secondly, our worth is based on the value our Father has given us–because of HIS great love. Our worth is not based on how much we do or don’t do compared to others.

 

Housing appraisals are based on things like the current market, similar houses, the neighborhood, size, land value, etc. etc. Comparison with others–maybe necessary in the housing market, but unhealthy in our personal lives.

One final thought:  When we rightly appraise our lives by God’s standards and call for us, and find that we are not measuring up, there is incredible HOPE!

He knows, He sees, He disciplines, but he never stops loving, forgiving, renewing and restoring.

By what, or who, are you “appraising” yourself?

Filed Under: Mental, Spiritual Tagged With: , , , 9 Comments

The Clay and The Fire

February 17, 2012 By 14 Comments

Life is funny.

Here I sit, in a bookstore coffee shop, like a real big girl blogger, taking pen to paper because I can’t remember the password to my own blog. This moment of ridiculousness only enhances the feeling of inadequacy I felt as I read through the other contributors’ posts. They are so polished and researched, full of Scripture and wisdom.

My thoughts are so raw.

Unrefined and simple, my perspective seems immature compared to the content found here.
Yet, I am compelled to write.
I am driven to keep writing.

Until these fine women tell me to stop, I will continue to write.

I will continue to share my unrefined and unpolished perspective. Because God is not done with me yet. There are fires ahead to temper me and strengthen my resolve.

Someone will criticize my weight loss efforts. I will be too radical or too relaxed.

Someone will share their unwanted opinions about my parenting choices. I will be neglectful or overparenting.

Someone will be unappreciative of the way I chose to spend my time, my money, and my energy. I will have put someone or something above them.

Someone will read this blog and wonder why I am here. I am not an eloquent writer penning beautiful inspirations.

There will always be someone with a disapproving look. I am learning to be blind to it. I have fixed my eyes on Jesus and His light covers all other faces.

I am clay upon His wheel. My lamp is being filled with oil.

I am blessed by the amazing women on this blog. Many are already magnificent carriers of God’s light unto the world.

I shall run MY race. I shall not lose heart. I will write for the clay that is looking for the potter. We can follow the light of our sisters and walk through the fire hand in hand.

Filed Under: Emotional, Spiritual Tagged With: , 14 Comments

We are God’s greatest masterpiece {CMA}

February 16, 2012 By 14 Comments

I have to admit, when we started this journey to health together last month, I had my own preconceived notion of what this challenge would mean for me. I had it all mapped out. I knew (or so I thought) exactly how it all would go.

But my plans are not His (Jeremiah 29:11).

The stat of a Journey
Creative Commons License photo credit: Mustafa Khayat

Over the last few weeks, God has gently nudged me into a whole different direction. He’s been whispering to my heart that this journey to health (for me) should not be focused on my weight. Because that isn’t at the root of why I’ve lived an unhealthy life for so long.

He wants me to dig at the real root of this weight issue. And it has nothing to do with weight at all.

The LORD gave another message to Jeremiah. He said, “Go down to the potter’s shop, and I will speak to you there.” So I did as he told me and found the potter working at his wheel. But the jar he was making did not turn out as he had hoped, so he crushed it into a lump of clay again and started over. Then the LORD gave me this message:  “O Israel, can I not do to you as this potter has done to his clay? As the clay is in the potter’s hand, so are you in my hand.

Jeremiah 18:1-6, NLT

The Potter and His wheel

How many times have we tried to “perfect” that which God gave us? (I said “we,” but I’m really talking to mean me.)

Like nothing we do is good enough. The way we look needs to be modified. Improved upon.

How could we ever be so vain as to think we can improve upon how He created us?

Even though I return week after week to revisit my ultimate goals of getting healthy, this week the question ringing in my mind is: Lord, what does Your “healthy” look like for me?

Because His ways are higher than my ways. His thoughts, higher than my thoughts. 

He is the Potter. I am the clay.

I’ve struggled long enough with trying to fit myself into a mold of my own making.

I want to be pliable in His hands. I may struggle against the friction of the spinning Potter’s wheel. But if I hold steady, His very capable hands will start pushing me into the direction He means for me to go. He will work me and shape me into His masterpiece.

And my friends, He will do the same for you.

The truth? The truth is He loves us more than we could ever comprehend. He understands our battles of trying to become more physically fit, more mentally healthy, more spiritually wise. But sometimes our preconceived notions of “healthy” just might not be anything He has in mind.

So from here on out, instead of focusing all my attention on food and diets and plans and exercises, I’m going to focus on His word. I’m going to seek His direction and help, so that I can come to a clearer understanding of who I am in Him. And what He wants for me.

Because I think that is the key to getting, and living, healthy. It isn’t about how much weight I can lose. Or what kind of special exercise I can try in order to tone my body. It’s about becoming comfortable in my skin and following Him.

He will perfect me. He will give me the strength I need to say no when I need to say no. He will tap on my heart’s door when I veer off in the wrong direction. He will light every path before me.

Because He loves me. He made me. He knows me (and you).

After all, we are God’s greatest masterpiece.

* * *

Must Love God
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Filed Under: Accountability, Spiritual Tagged With: , , , 14 Comments

I Stand

February 15, 2012 By 16 Comments

“I don’t think you are a depressed person, but I do think that you are an anxious person.”

Photo Credit

These are the words that my doctor said to me a year ago after 2 years of VERY apparent physical issues without CONCRETE solutions.

“Sounds about right,” I thought to myself.

In the 2nd grade, I received my first assigned book report. Now, I have to tell you I have ALWAYS loved to read. As a toddler, I would carry around books, handing them over to whichever adult was nearby. I would beg them to read to me as I followed along with the “magical” figures in the book, pretending to understand every single word. This love of reading only increased as I learned my alphabet and a whole new world was opened up to me. But the day I found out that I had to write that book report, I cried and cried because I didn’t know HOW to start it, and I was SO afraid that I would fail.

At the age of 12, I went on my first ski trip. I was awkward and uncomfortable in the layers of clothes and metal appendages protruding from my feet and palms. I was a missionary kid growing up on a Caribbean island, for crying out loud! Skiing was just not a normal activity for us. But my friends were going so I decided to try. And I failed, falling again and again and again. After the same woman sailed past me on the bunny slope for the 3rd time, I decided that my pride {and bottom!} had been wounded enough and I took those ridiculous objects off of my feet and marched down the mountain, defeated and embarrassed before noon.

I can list over and over again, throughout the years, situations, goals, circumstances, relationships where anxiety has clung to me as a constant companion, whispering her opinions and directives into my ear.

When the guy who had been my best friend chose the other girl.

When I did not know where I should work after college.

When I found myself 25, recently broken up with my boyfriend of 3 years and wondering if God had forgotten about me.

When living in a foreign land as an adult was harder than I thought it would be.

When we heard the news that getting pregnant was never going to be “easy” or “fast.”

Even this year, even today, my unwelcome sidekick is never far away, persistently pressing her agenda into my soul.

I think she may be like Paul’s thorn in the flesh for me…

“…even though I have received
such wonderful revelations from God.
So to keep me from becoming proud,
I was given a thorn in my flesh,
a messenger from Satan to torment me
and keep me from becoming proud.”

2 Corinthians 12:7

I’m not sure, but she is definitely NOT budging so………….

WHAT DO I DO?

Sometimes her voice fills me with fear, doubt, regret, disappointment, anger, abandonment….

How do I overcome her when she just WILL NOT GO AWAY??

In Christ Alone.

It sounds so simple, right?

And yet, in my almost 30 years of following Jesus, it has probably been the hardest thing for me to do–trust Him, surrender to Him, yield to Him, rest in Him.

To rest and know that “….in the love of Christ, I stand.”

What about you?

“…and having done all, to stand. Stand.”
Ephesians 6

What are the obstacles, the thorns in your flesh, blocking your way from total victory, complete healing, ultimate surrender?

Here in the love of Christ I stand.

How can you find the courage to take one more step?

Here in the love of Christ I stand.

Where do you discover strength to face one more battle?

Here in the love of Christ I stand.

How can you have enough strength just to make it through today?

Here in the love of Christ I stand.

These are words that I recite over and over in my mind and my heart.

Here in the love of Christ I stand.

You are His beloved and you are not alone.
You are not loved more for your success or less for your seeming failure.
You simply stand in the love of Christ.

That is what the Father see when He looks at you……

LOVE

No.

Matter.

What.

 

So today, as you stand in His love, bask in His grace, rest in His mercies, may your soul find peace.

Running this race, living this life, is one step at a time. Don’t be discouraged. Just remember His love….for….YOU!

 

“What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My comforter, my all-in-all
Here in the love of Christ I stand”
~In Christ Alone

{If you cannot see the video, please click HERE to view}

Filed Under: Battles, Emotional, Mental, Spiritual Tagged With: , , , , 16 Comments
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