You are my sunshine.

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine,

you make me happy, when skies are grey.

You’ll never know dear, how much I love you.

Please don’t take my sunshine away.

My mom used to sing this to me. Now I sing it to my kids. If you’ve ever heard the original song you would quickly learn it’s not really a lullaby; but the chorus sure makes for a sweet sentiment anyway.

I’ve been pretty tense the past few weeks. Even on sunny days it seems there was rain falling on me from somewhere. Even as I type this, my eyes burn from holding back tears. My new pants are a bit snug from all the self-medicating snacks I’ve been unconsciously nibbling on. There are big things changing over here.

But, even when the change is good, it stirs up anxiety in my mind.

Last night, as I was trying to calm our oldest daughter from her bedtime meltdown, I rubbed her head and sang to her. As the words left my lips I realized how totally ungrateful I was being. On Monday, we found out that our daughter, the very one listening to me sing, was not autistic. She did not have Asperger’s Syndrome. I got mad. I cried until my head wanted to explode. I was so very angry. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I didn’t want to see anyone. Not once did I stop to pray and say “Thank you, Lord, for the blessing of this diagnosis”.

I have no problem telling God how He is my sunshine, He makes me happy when skies are grey. I have no delay in praying that He stay beside me.

Please don’t take my sunshine away.

When the sun is shining, when the news is good and the forecast is bright what am I doing?

I’m angry that things aren’t “good” the way I wanted them to be “good” or I’m just too busy being excited over what I’ve done to bother taking time to give praise to the One and Only that not only planned this “good” thing but put it in action in my life at the perfect time even though I can’t see that perfection.

The other night dear, as I lay sleeping,

I dreamt I held you in my arms.

When I awoke dear, I was mistaken,

and I laid my head down and cried.

I wonder how I would feel if the next time it rained, I no longer had the option to call on God. As a human I understand the urge to turn away from an ungrateful friend who takes the credit for your generosity, who only seems to need you when they are down but never during the good times.

No one will be able to stand against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you. ~Joshua 1:5

What an amazing God we have, that He remains even when we turn away, forget, or choose sleeping in over time with Him.

My mom would be upset if I only called her when I needed her help. My dad, tough as he is, would be hurt if my only calls home were to ask him for money.

Let us not forget to pray and have fellowship with Our Father. When you are enjoying the warm blessings of a good day, remember who made the sunshine.