I am not a word scholar, therefore I truly love my pocket-size thesaurus. I learned a new word three years ago that changed my life, “fetal demise.”
We had joked after my second healthy pregnancy and delivery that I could “pop out” beautiful strong babies. I was a baby machine!
God had a different road for me to walk during my third pregnancy.
After the “first trimester scare” when a majority of women miscarry, I assumed our third pregnancy would be routine. I was scheduled for a routine 16-week check up when my life would change. Without experiencing any physical problems I was told (and shown) my baby’s heart had stopped beating. An ultrasound I will never be able to forget.
That day and every one since has been anything but “routine”.
I had no idea that my 17-week-old baby’s heart had stopped. I had no idea I would have to be induced and experience a 24 hour delivery. I had no idea I was now a “1 in 4″ statistic. I had no idea our baby was our first daughter.
Due to some physical complications after delivery, my recovery was long and difficult. I had to lean on His Word more than any other time in my spiritual walk. More than happy phrases in a history book, His Word comforted me when no one else could possibly say the right thing. Not even my husband’s hugs and silence could fix the hurt.
His Word brought healing and hope to a devastated mama’s heart.
Never once did I question God’s love for me or my daughter. If anything, God was able to use our trust and faith in Him as an example to another mom experiencing a miscarriage, and two unbelieving friends.
Before my routine appointment, I was not an eternal thinker. I was not heaven-hopeful. I took health for granted. I wish I didn’t have to learn it this way, but I will not easily forget.
God changed my thinking and my daughter gave me the gift of true gratitude.
Oh Stef…..
I adore you.
This is an important and necessary message for all who have experienced loss, and especially a mother’s loss.
*hugs*
You are amazing. And God is greater, sitting on the throne, smiling because you have pointed the glory of the heartache back to Him. Well done, daughter of the King. Holy is The Lord.
Meredith recently posted..Lame Man Walking and Throwing the Baby Out with the Bath Water
I wish I didn’t know this journey. But I do and agree with every word you said. My son is in the hands of my Savior…just where I would have raised him to be. And God is good no matter what, why, how, or when. I’m His…He’s mine. and that will never change!
Nikki recently posted..Prepared for the Journey {Jehovah Raah}
Oh Stef, this song has strong meaning to us as well. He is so faithful and loving. I am so grateful for your heart to share this journey with others – you and your story are a blessing to so many.
Erin @ Home with the Boys recently posted..31 Days: Give Them Space to Be Kids
Stef, what an awesome testimony to those of us who have lost a child. I am so glad that this made you stronger so you could minister to others. Thank you for sharing.
Unfortunately, I know your pain too well! Continue sharing your heart and ministering to others during your difficult days.
The Lord heals…
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This is a journey so many of us take….and yet we hide it. Thank you for stepping out and sharing your story. I pray others know they are not alone!
And this is why I love reading what you share. You are open and honest. You have an amazing testimony and you do your best to live a true life for God. Thank you for sharing your story with us!
Joy recently posted..Mystery of History ~ Elisha helps a widow…
Thank you so much for sharing this.
“Fetal demise” gave me chills…I think my hairs on my arm are still standing on end.
Your words will most certainly be a comfort to someone. I wish I had found someone like you to talk to after my miscarriage two years ago.
I am going through miscarriage right now. My faith is tested and I feel completely desolate and inconsolable. The pain is terrible and my heart is so empty. Your message has made me cry and reminded me that though i never knew my baby, God knows my baby and has a place in heaven for him or her.
“His Word brought healing and hope.” Praying that your words may guide others to that healing, too.
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