About Cassie E

My name is Cassie. Over a decade ago, I fell in love with a great guy. Luckily, he fell in love too. With me, even. Now he’s my husband. We did it just like the chant says, “First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in the baby carriage.” And another. And another. And another.
Now, I’m the momma. You read it right, we have four kids. They aren’t perfect, but they are really cute. We homeschool the little darlings. With any luck, they will turn out to be productive members of society, and not living in our basement playing RPG’s until they are 40. We also have a house, two cars, and three furry beasts.
I won’t claim to be an expert at anything, but I wear a lot of hats. I’m not only a wife, mother, and teacher, but a cook, a maid, a reader, a craft-nut, a personal shopper, an accountant, a landscaper, a stylist, a nurse, a best friend, and the list goes on.

Why do I do all these things? Well, friends, that’s just what momma does.

What Momma Does

I Can Be Whole

February 25, 2013 By 4 Comments

Lord,

Please take my broken heart and use it for good.

Help me to teach my children that letting someone hurt them

over and again,

because they are supposed to love them,

isn’t ok.

Teach me how to show grace

instead of building another wall.

Let me remember Your unconditional love

when I feel like giving up.

Guard my heart when I allow someone in.

Remind me to live fully

when I start to feel cold,

even robotic.

Help me to see the world through Your eyes,

perfectly imperfect,

instead of judging it with my own.

Thank you for loving my dirt,

my brokenness,

my mechanical heart,

especially when I pretend not to need You.

I know I can never be perfect,

but by trusting in You, I can be whole.

Amen.

mechanical heart

Filed Under: Emotional Tagged With: , , , , 4 Comments

A Very Giggly (and Caffeinated) Vacation

August 31, 2012 By 7 Comments

I am very much an introvert. In fact, hermit might be closer to the truth. I like being tucked comfortably away in my house with my kids within arm’s reach, and my friends in the computer when I need grown-ups to talk to. I really dislike having to go to the store, or going out to put gas in my car, or outside where I might have to wave cordially at neighbors I don’t know (because I’m a hermit).

That being said, sometimes I yearn for the sound of a friend laughing next to me, a coffee drink in my hand, and a pastry in my belly. My husband understands that while I prefer to be home most of the time, I do need time to connect with other women. For Christmas last year, his gift to me was a trip for me and my best friend to go wherever we’d like, to do what we wish, and he would take a long weekend off of work to stay home with the kids. (Try not to be jealous because I have the most wonderful husband ever.) (Oh, he’s really good-looking too.)Katey and Cassie, Relevant11

Sheri and Cassie Oct. 2011

Thus, Girlfriends and Giggles Weekend came to be. My friend, Sheri, and I are in the midst of making plans for our weekend coming up at the end of September. I will be flying home to meet up with her, and from there, who knows? We are discussing getting another matchy tattoo, driving to Washington to meet my friend, Eryn, in person (squee!!!), then up to Northern Idaho because I’ve never been there, and to get a dose of my sister-friend, Katey.

I honestly don’t know what all we will be doing, but I can guarantee there will be lots of laughs, probably some tears, and a much-needed good time will be had by all. I’m also looking forward to coffee every morning, and silly inside jokes.

Sometimes a vacation from the mundane, even a short one with no real direction, is just what you need. I’m hoping to come home a little more relaxed, focused, and ready to make this homeschool year a success for everyone.

Do you ever get away by yourself? What little things do you do to keep from losing your sanity?

Filed Under: Friendship Tagged With: , , 7 Comments

What Difference Can 90 Days Make?

August 16, 2012 By 2 Comments

I don’t know about you, but I love seeing results. When I do something really hard that takes a lot of work/energy/concentration, I want to be able to know it was worth it, and I want to know it right this very second. (I’d prefer to see results yesterday, but immediately would work.) You may not know this, but if you are pretty out of shape and have 60 extra pounds to drop, it doesn’t matter how hard you work in one day, you won’t see the results in the mirror after you shower. You have to keep working hard. Every. Single. Day.

This is where I have trouble. In our world of drive-up fast food, get it from the internet right now, you don’t have to wait for anything ever, I want to do my 30 minute work out, and look amazing the next day. When it doesn’t happen that way, or even after five days, or twelve days, I get frustrated and quit. At that point, I return to loathing myself for giving up again, and so the cycle goes.

CassieTimeline

I’m ready to break the cycle. I don’t think God wants me to be trapped in this prison I’ve made of myself where it’s hard to breathe, and I have trouble playing with my kids and my dogs, and lack motivation in general. I’ve chosen a 90 day exercise program that I can keep up with. It isn’t so challenging that I pray to die so I can be done with it, but it makes me work hard and push to get through.

I’m going to do all 90 days of this program, take a daily multi-vitamin, and use a healthy meal replacement protein smoothie. I won’t guarantee that my diet will change completely right away, but I’m making a conscious effort to buy more fruit and vegetables, and eat fewer processed foods. I may grumble, and I know I’ll be in pain some days (Today, for instance.), but I’m going to have faith that in three months, I will be able to see changes in my body, in my attitude, in my self-esteem. Then, I will choose a bigger goal, something that really pushes my limits. Maybe I will start running again. Maybe I will finally make it through a Jillian Michaels video (without crying like a baby). I don’t know for sure yet. All I know is that I need to do this. My family deserves it. My body deserves it. (Besides, my closet is dying for some cute clothes!!)

Florida 2012 325 - Copy

What difference can 90 days make in your health? I challenge you to choose a path, whether it be healthier eating, an exercise program, or something else, and keep at it for 90 days. Take a couple of pictures of yourself today (and maybe some measurements), repeat in 30, 60, and 90 days, and see just what you can do. We won’t see results tomorrow, but I hear that good things happen when you persevere.

what I was

 


Filed Under: Accountability, Battles, Mental, Physical Tagged With: , , , , 2 Comments

Momma’s Prayer

July 23, 2012 By 5 Comments

Dear Lord, PJ and Christian

I know Your wisdom is infinite,

and you gave me these babies to take care of.

Some days I’m not really sure why You trusted me with them.

They are precious, and I often don’t feel equipped to give them what they need.

I do know they need me to protect them,

and to love them,

and to teach them right from wrong. spiderman

I also know that they need me to let go,

and to let them learn on their own, to grow and make mistakes.

Please, God, help me to be enough.

Show me how to keep them safe as they earn their independence.

Put the words of affirmation they need to hear on my tongue.

Help me to see them grow into the Godly young men and women this world desperately needs.

Let me teach them grace and humility.

I don’t know why you chose me, God, but I am grateful every day that you did. 3 kids

Ease my tears, Lord, as they begin to walk away from my arms. 

May I find joy in their growth, 

and share their triumphs.

I pray these things in Your glorious name,

Amen.

 

 

4babiesCook-Cassie-22

 

 

                                      

Filed Under: Emotional Tagged With: , , , , 5 Comments

Stop Looking at the Big Picture

June 28, 2012 By 9 Comments

When I look around my house, or in the mirror, all I can see is the big picture.

My kitchen when Kat's away for a week and no one asks me to clean
Creative Commons License photo credit: abbamouse

I get so busy stressing over every little detail of housework that needs to be done (desperately) and every single pound I need to lose that I can’t focus on what needs to be done right now to get things under control.

  • The dogs are shedding so much that as soon as I finish cleaning up dog hair off the kitchen floor, there are piles of it on the living room floor.
  • There are six people in the house who insist on wearing clothes every day (actually 7, but one does her own laundry) and dirty clothes pile up quickly.
  • I’m beginning to think the dishes dirty themselves because there is no way we could be using so many!
  • Oh, and to top it off, I’m still obese.

The silly thing is that I have already taken the time to break down the important cleaning projects and split them up throughout the week so I won’t get overwhelmed. I’ve already chosen an exercise program that tells me exactly what to do every single day to get the best results. Here’s the tricky part…If I stand around thinking about all the little details, I don’t get anything done.

So, that’s where I am. I’m surrounded, bogged down, and overwhelmed.

My husband always asks how you’d eat an elephant. The answer? One bite at a time. Today I will make a conscious effort to change the way I look at things. Instead of seeing an entire house in shambles, I will look at my list and just do what it says for the day. Instead of being ashamed of my weight, I will pop in that DVD and just push play. Instead of feeling unappreciated and overwhelmed, I will be thankful for my beautiful, loving family and the home we have to live in.

I have a couple of tools I’m using (besides my cleaning list and workout DVDs) to help me focus on the positives in my life. The first is an e-book called “The 21 Days of Gratitude Challenge” by Shelley Hitz. It gives just an easy little exercise each day to help turn negative feelings into feelings of gratitude. You can buy it for 99 cents on Amazon Kindle right now. The next is a free application I acquired for my phone called Attitudes of Gratitude Journal. All you do is type in what you are grateful for and push the little button and it saves each entry for you with the date and time. When life gets to be too much, I can just open the app and have a list of things to be thankful for.

When it comes down to it, no one is getting the attention from me they deserve (this includes the dirty socks and ceiling fans). I need to slow down, take a deep breath, and remember that “I can do everything through him who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:13 (New International Version)

Yes, even scrub baseboards and 3 sets of power squats. Everything.

 

**The links provided are not affiliate links. I do not receive any compensation for mentioning the products in this blog post. I’m not making money off you, or them, or anyone else. I just like to be helpful. Smile

Must Love God



Filed Under: Accountability, Battles Tagged With: , , , , , 9 Comments

There is a Season

June 4, 2012 By 2 Comments

gillette house

I grew up on a quiet street in a small town in Wyoming, in a house that looked like every other house for several blocks, in a neighborhood built for low income families. Our house was the first one finished, and my parents got to pick out the colors, flooring, cabinets, etc. It was a neighborhood full of kids, and I spent my summers on my bike, covered in dirt, with a rowdy pack of boys at my side. There weren’t many girls nearby, but I was such a tomboy that I probably wouldn’t have noticed if there had been.

I can remember the summer we planted three trees (sticks, really) in our huge side yard (we lived on a corner lot). Those trees got run over by bikes, broken off by frisbees gone wild, and were taped back together more times than I can count. My parents never expected them to actually grow, but they just kept hanging on, year after year.

I grew up in that house. My grandpa taught me to play “In the Mood” on the piano there. I had my first real kiss on the front steps. I recovered from my first broken heart in my little bedroom overlooking the street. I snuck a boy out the back door when my mom came home early one afternoon. I shot my BB gun at a target my dad set up down the hallway when I was five. We marked off my height every six months on a 2×4 beam in the basement. We lived there until I was a sophomore, when my parents split up, and my mom and I moved to a small apartment a block from the high school. My dad lost the house to foreclosure shortly after.

I drove past the old house last week for the first time in 13 years. The neighborhood is run-down. The kids have grown up. One of my trees had been cut down. The whole town has changed a lot over the years. Some of the places I loved are gone, and there are new houses, buildings, people everywhere you look.

I’m not the same person I was back then either. I’m older, more cynical, less trusting. I have more scars, inside and out. I’ve learned a lot. I’m not perfect, but God has a plan for me.

There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:

2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8

Filed Under: Emotional, Revolution Tagged With: , , , 2 Comments

Jesus Loves this Dirty Mess

May 16, 2012 By 7 Comments

spring
Creative Commons License photo credit: lisahumes

 

Every week at the top of the handout sheet at my church, there is a “Big Idea” that sums up what the sermon will cover. Last week’s Big Idea was this: “The Kingdom of God doesn’t belong to those who are isolated from corruption, but to those in the middle of it who desperately need God’s help and are shamelessly pleading for it.” I never felt so at home in church as I did that day as the pastor described how God’s church is messy, and that’s exactly how He likes it.

In Luke 14:15-23, Jesus tells a story of a great banquet. In the beginning of the story, many people turn down the invitation to the party with blatant lies, trying to make the host look bad.

21 “The servant returned and told his master what they had said. His master was furious and said, ‘Go quickly into the streets and alleys of the town and invite the poor, the crippled, the blind, and the lame.’ 22 After the servant had done this, he reported, ‘There is still room for more.’ 23 So his master said, ‘Go out into the country lanes and behind the hedges and urge anyone you find to come, so that the house will be full.  Luke 14:21-23 NLT

Do you see that? God wants to invite us all, the poor, crippled, blind and lame, to His great feast in Heaven. He wants all of us who are broken, dirty, addicted, promiscuous, unloved, cast-out from our families. He wants us to sit with Him at His table. He wants us to reach out to the outcasts, because we were once in their shoes in one way or another, and let them know that they are all invited as well. All we have to do to get in is accept His invitation.

I was having a talk on the way home from the grocery store with one of my favorite young ladies one day, when she tearfully said to me, “I always warn guys first because I’m…dirty. I don’t want them to feel like they are worth less for being with me.” My. Heart. Broke. I love this girl so much, and I knew exactly what she meant.

I haven’t lived through exactly what she has, but I’ve said those words in my head about myself more than once. I could only respond with what I hoped was the truth when I told her that she didn’t have to let her past define her present, and that if a guy was really worth being with, he would be able to see past all of her dirt to the beautiful, strong, wonderful young woman she is today.

In reality, I was telling her what I had always hoped someone would tell me. My husband is the only person who has ever known all about my past and stuck around, believing I was more than what I still see in the mirror. There is one song that is guaranteed to seep right into my brokenness every time I hear it, and make me pray for my sake, and for the sake of anyone who has ever felt dirty and broken, that the words are true. This is the part that always gets me:

When I don’t fit in and I don’t feel like I belong anywhere
When I don’t measure up to much in this life
Oh, I’m a treasure in the arms of Christ ‘cause

I’m forgiven
I’m forgiven
And I don’t have to carry
The weight of who I’ve been
Cause I’m forgiven   (Forgiven by Sanctus Real)

There’s another song, one by Seventh Day Slumber, that has a line that causes me to hope against what this world tries to tell me about myself and believe in God’s vast power to forgive. This one not only reinforces that, but says that God will meet me where I am. I don’t have to get better first, or be stronger first, or fix everything first…

Yesterday is gone and
Everything that made you cry has fallen to the ground
I’m here to bring you home
I will always take you back
You haven’t let me down
I know you want to run away
I know that you can’t see tomorrow
Caroline
Let me wipe away your tears, and give you life
Make you feel beautiful again
Caroline
Don’t throw it all away
I’m here tonight, to take away your pain
And when you’re feeling all alone and you can’t go on
Remember I am here
And when you think you’ve gone too far
I’ll meet you where you are
My arms are open wide

   (Caroline by Seventh Day Slumber)

 

Some days I feel like nothing I do is right. I feel like a failure as a woman, a wife, a mother. I wonder why I’m even here, and I’m desperate for even the smallest thing to go right. On days like that, I pray. I don’t pray for everything to miraculously turn around. I just pray that I will find out at the end of my life that it’s really true that God sees me as a treasure. I pray that he really can make me new and whole. I pray that the words I spoke to that girl I love like my own daughter weren’t just me being hopeful.

On those days, my belief in God’s forgiveness is all I have, because without it, I’m just another filthy pile of rubble in a world that’s crashing down around me. I choose to cling to my faith, because I refuse to believe I am worthless.

Filed Under: Battles, Emotional, Spiritual Tagged With: , , 7 Comments

And the panic fell down like rain

April 16, 2012 By 4 Comments

By now, I guess I should know that if I feel comfortable in my life, it probably means I’m being a hermit, and God is going to shake things up. I really wasn’t prepared for how huge the shake-up would be this time, or my reaction to it.

It has been a long time, years in fact, since I’ve had a full-blown anxiety attack. From time to time I will feel anxiety over a situation, but not the sheer panic that I’ve felt in the past. I can feel that panic pressing in on me now, though, and I’m afraid I’m going to drown in it.

panic – to become so frightened that one loses the power to think clearly

I know in my head that the things I’m worried about are silly, but the panic flushes all rational thought out of my head, makes me cry, lose my breath, and want to climb into bed and stay there forever.

In my case, my greatest source of anxiety is being in social situations. Don’t get me wrong, I want to be the social butterfly, but I’m just not equipped to handle it on my own. It has been heavy on my heart lately that I need to make more of an effort to not only keep up my existing friendships, but also to go and actively seek out new ones. (Insert deep breaths here.)

I’ve made a lot of online friends over the last two years, and decided about this time last year that I wanted to meet some of them in person. If you read my blog, you probably saw that I attended the Relevant Conference (Now called Allume) last October. I’m pretty sure that the only way I talked myself into it was by telling myself repeatedly that they only sold 250 tickets, so it would be a small, almost homey gathering of like-minded Christian women.

I made it through the cross-country travel from Montana to Pennsylvania (largely because I got to travel with my sweet online sister, Anna.) I lived through meeting Lisa, and Katey, fell in love with Kristi, and only had one near breakdown when I attempted to join in on the newbie meet-up the first day. (There were so many women in that room, and they were all talking, and smiling, and it was too much for me to handle.)

My good time at the conference may have made me a little cocky. You know, I made it through that, so I can make it through anything. I’m the queen of the world!!! (Stop laughing, and keep reading…) Since then, God has set more and more opportunities (challenges?) before me, and I’ve obviously stopped relying on Him for strength because I can feel myself breaking down.

I relied on a double amaretto sour (or four) to get me through my husband’s company Christmas party. As the boss’ wife, it was my job to be witty, and friendly, and fun. I was all of those things, not to mention unsteady, but I made it through.

I managed to tidy up the house and not get frazzled when we had friends over for dinner a while back. Even with people I know, I have a hard time because I’m afraid they will see the dust on my blinds, cobwebs on a hanging light, one of my kids will say something, um, questionable, and I will be judged for all of it.

Last week we went to the new small groups pastor’s house for dinner to meet a few other couples from church who would like to start a group and get to know people. I will admit to changing my shirt twice before we left, but I actually felt pretty good about the whole thing. It was a pleasant evening, and when we saw one of the couples this week at church, we chatted, and it was very nice to have that connection.

So, see? I thought I was doing a pretty good job until this morning when my husband casually brought up the topic of his big work conference coming up, and how we need to start making final preparations to be sure we have everything we need, and the house is ready for his family (coming to stay with our kids). That’s when I burst into tears at the thought of not having the right clothes, or hair, or make-up, or shoes, or purse or… whatever.

I’m feeling way out of my element on this one. I’m just a casual, small-town, Western girl. I grew up in a household a step up from poor. This conference will have over 2000 people, all in the highest positions with my husband’s company. We are staying at the Ritz-Carlton (!). There will be private performances by  The Blues Brothers, Big & Rich, 3 Doors Down, Gin Blossoms, and Eddie Money. There’s a day spent working on a humanitarian project, and one at a beautiful place called Discovery Cove. This thing is no joke, people, and I’m not sure I can handle it.

Then I started writing this post, and I found a prayer card that I think I will carry with me until the conference ends, and we are back home. The card says this:

“O God, please set my heart at rest in Your presence when my heart wants to condemn me. For You, God, are greater than my heart and You know everything.” (1 John 3:19-20)

Will God stop loving me if I wear the “wrong” shoes? Or dress? Or come from a small town in Montana? Doubtful. So why am I torturing myself? No, really. Why? Why do I let my brain get so upset over this?

I don’t know why, but I do know that it probably means I need to spend more time in prayer, getting close to God, and less time on Amazon looking for the perfect pair of sandals to wear in Florida in April.

“When I said, ‘My foot is slipping,’ your love, O Lord, supported me! When anxiety was great within me, Your consolation brought joy to my soul!” (Psalm 94:18-19)

How can you tell when you need to reconnect with God? What do you do when you start feeling overwhelmed/anxious/panicked?

*** The links in this post do not benefit me in any way. Some are links to my friends’ blogs, and one is to the prayer cards I mentioned and quoted. I am not an affiliate. I just want you to be connected if you’d like to be connected.  Smile

*** As you read this, I am in Florida at the conference mentioned above. I can’t guarantee I will have a computer to reply to your comments right away, but know that I will do so when I get home. Any prayers you feel like sending my way will be wholeheartedly accepted.

Filed Under: Battles, Emotional, Friendship, Mental Tagged With: , , , , 4 Comments

Eating Healthy ≠ Being Hungry

March 12, 2012 By 7 Comments

I love sugar.

I can’t help it. I absolutely love sugar. But my dad was diabetic. And my mom is diabetic. And my dad was obese. And my mom is obese. And I am obese. Just typing those words makes me want to cry, but it’s true.

And all of that is why I’m making changes now.

My first step has been to keep a food diary. I use the My Fitness Pal app on my phone. In keeping track of the food I eat, I have to make a conscious decision every single day to keep track and make wise decisions. There are a lot of things I have completely stopped eating because I don’t feel like they are worth the calories I’d have to count if I did eat them. Some examples are: peanut butter, milk, cinnamon bears (my absolute favorite treat), bread, most appetizers, and a majority of my beloved sugary sweet treats.

There are also a few things I’m not willing to give up. These include: delicious coffee creamers, cheese, dark chocolate, and bacon. I do measure them very carefully however, and have cut back significantly.

I’m not an experienced cook. I grew up in a house where my dad didn’t eat any fruits or veggies (canned corn and potatoes don’t count). My mom fixed a lot of quick and easy meals, not of the healthy variety, so when I got married at 20, I knew how to make that boxed stuff that helps hamburger and macaroni and cheese. That was about it.

Luckily, my husband is an amazing cook, and he’s helping me to learn what foods go well together, how to prepare them, and how to make healthy substitutes.

Most days, I’m fine, and I don’t mind the measuring and figuring and planning ahead. However, there are days that I just want to eat a cookie. And cinnamon bears. And pizza and pasta with creamy cheese sauce and a cheeseburger and large fries! Most days I notice that it takes less to fill me up, but some days I just don’t seem to ever be able to eat enough to feel full.

Those are the days I’m fighting against by finding low-calorie, but filling, recipes that are easy enough for me to make, and tasty enough that my kids will eat them. I’ve found a few, so I thought I would share them here with you.

I read that you should “Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince, and dinner like a pauper.” Adelle Davis (1904 – 1974) In other words, make breakfast your extravagant meal for the day. One of my favorite healthy breakfasts is half a cup of plain Greek yogurt mixed with a packet of apple and cinnamon instant oatmeal. Add a small piece of fruit, a cup of coffee with creamer and Splenda®, and I’m a happy woman. You can also switch it up and add plain oats to a flavored yogurt. (Just be sure to pay close attention to the sugar content of the yogurt.) If that doesn’t fill you up, double the amounts of yogurt and oats.

My favorite lunch lately has been to combine half an avocado (diced) with half a cup of Pace® hot salsa in a bowl, and eat it with Tostitos® Multigrain Scoops. There are 11 chips in a serving, and that’s just the right amount to scoop up all of the dip. You get lots of healthy fats from the avocado, and I feel a little rebellious eating chips!

 

001

 

My husband made a delicious dinner a while back, and I will admit that I ate a heaping plate of it. That’s because the huge serving I ate only had about 270 calories!! My dinner consisted of two cups of spaghetti squash, and one cup of sauce with chicken breast (boneless and skinless), turkey bacon, yellow onion, celery, carrots, bell pepper, fresh mushrooms, Italian stewed tomatoes, fresh parsley, minced garlic, and a little bacon grease for flavor. (You can find the full recipe on What Momma Does.)

 

 

007

 

 

Another of my favorites for lunch or dinner is chicken soup with wild rice and mushrooms. It’s easy with only four ingredients (or any number of variations), and full of good, healthy nutrients. My super easy recipe can be found here. The main key I’ve found to dinner is to include lots of vegetables. Most veggies are low-calorie, which means you can eat a lot of them and not need to worry.

 

 

 

Do you have any healthy, delicious recipes you’d like to share? Leave them in a comment, or give us a link.

 

***This is not a sponsored post. All of the name brands mentioned were purchased by me, with my own (or my husband’s money). I am not being compensated in any way for including them in this post. I do, however, find these products to be delicious and satisfying.

Filed Under: Battles, Mental, Physical Tagged With: , , , 7 Comments

Remember Last Year???

February 1, 2012 By 7 Comments

Do you remember this time last year? I do. For me, it was a very rewarding time in my life. I was eating healthy. I was taking care of myself. I was running! Yes, running. It was very uncharacteristic for me, as running had always been my evil arch nemesis. I was losing weight, and was told daily what an inspiration I was, because,”If you can do it, so can I!” I was even signed up for my first 5k and a half marathon! My mantra was:

“Let us run with endurance the race that lies before us.” Hebrews 12:1

That was the only time in my life I can remember people being proud of me for doing something for me.

Then, along came May. My husband was very suddenly promoted, and nearly doubled the hours he was working, leaving little time for me to get out and run. Then, he sent two managers off for training (4 months worth!), and his one remaining manager quit without notice.

That’s the moment I knew that my husband wasn’t going to be able to go on vacation with us, and wouldn’t be there to watch my half marathon.

That’s the day I crumbled and threw seven months of hard work, tears, and training out the window.

I fell down, and I mean hard. My husband was absolutely my biggest supporter, but when my event went from being a non-negotiable trip for him, to not happening, I lost it.

As you can imagine, I quickly regained the 23 pounds I’d been so proud of losing. I went back to doubting my ability to ever change. I sank deeper and deeper into myself every day. I got to the point that I doubted that I would ever be more than I was right then: an obese housewife who was failing at life, and couldn’t even manage to get dressed most days.

I can’t pinpoint a day, or a conversation, or a moment that changed my thinking. Maybe I just finally grew tired of hearing myself say, “When I used to run…”  I honestly can’t say for sure. Really, I suppose it doesn’t matter. What matters is that God was gently nudging me along, reminding me that I was able to do more.

To BE more.

I could talk about when I ran because I had been capable of running. I could talk about eating healthy and losing 23 pounds because I had done it. None of that had changed. I am still able to do those things, but instead of running my race (life) with endurance, I let one thing, one person’s actions, knock me off my feet. The worst moment was when I realized I had to stop blaming him, and admit that I was holding myself down.

Now, here we are in a new year. While a lot of people are focusing on a new word, or new goals, I’m back to where I was last year. I’m starting the same thing over.

I’ve started keeping a food diary on MyFitnessPal (They have a great phone app too!) so I can see exactly what is going into my body. I’m still talking myself into running again, but I know I can make it happen. My friend, Katey, has invited me to run a half marathon with her in the spring, and I’m seriously considering it. I’ve lost a few pounds, and gained back some confidence. My husband is still my biggest supporter.

I’ve got a long road ahead, and a few lofty goals. Right now, I’m just taking it slow and making it stick–one small, healthy change at a time.

What are you doing to take care of yourself this year? What will it take to run your race with endurance? How can I help you to be successful?

Filed Under: Battles, Emotional, Mental, Physical Tagged With: , , , , 7 Comments