He Loves Me Too Much

April 9, 2012 By 4 Comments

For some time now, I’ve been gradually adding more and more responsibility to my daughter. We started with little things, like picking up her toys after play time when she was little. Over the years, she gradually learned to do more: fold laundry, wake up on her own using an alarm clock, fix simple meals.

Growing up is a slow and steady process. Emily wasn’t born with a full skill set and the ability to use it. Over the years, I’ve gently given her more and more responsibility and teach her new things often.

Just like any teen, there are certain chores she doesn’t like. And sometimes she balks at my teaching her a new life skill. (She really dislikes particular house cleaning chores.)

I could allow her to only do the things she favors and skip out on the things she dislikes. But because I know she will need these skills and knowledge one day to live productively, I am teaching and leading her to learn more and practice what she’s learned. Because I love her.

Our heavenly Father is just the same.

He knows my flaws. He sees my shortcomings.

But He loves me too much to leave me unchanged.

Old-Ceramic-Pots_Dusty-Clay-Pots__46991
Creative Commons License photo credit: Public Domain Photos

Sometimes I fight against the pressure of change. I’ve often asked God, “Why??” I’ve even stepped out of His will for my life and gone off to do what I wanted to do, totally disregarding that I’d already heard Him tell me not to.

No matter how often I’ve questioned His ways, or how many times I’ve messed up, He never ceases to continue shaping me and teaching me the important lessons I need to learn. His love far exceeds my humanity.

There have been moments when I’ve wondered why God hasn’t given up on me yet. I’ve made so many mistakes and have gotten sidetracked so many times. Yet, He’s been the only sure and steady constant in my life. He’s always there. He never throws my mess-ups in my face. He only showers me with His love, encourages me to stand up and try again.

Because He loves me too much to leave me the way I am.

If you’re struggling with feelings of inadequacy, or thoughts of hopelessness because you’ve failed miserably once again, I have good news for you. You are loved by an amazing God who knows your ugliness, but loves you too much to leave you in it.

Filed Under: Spiritual Tagged With: 4 Comments

We are God’s greatest masterpiece {CMA}

February 16, 2012 By 14 Comments

I have to admit, when we started this journey to health together last month, I had my own preconceived notion of what this challenge would mean for me. I had it all mapped out. I knew (or so I thought) exactly how it all would go.

But my plans are not His (Jeremiah 29:11).

The stat of a Journey
Creative Commons License photo credit: Mustafa Khayat

Over the last few weeks, God has gently nudged me into a whole different direction. He’s been whispering to my heart that this journey to health (for me) should not be focused on my weight. Because that isn’t at the root of why I’ve lived an unhealthy life for so long.

He wants me to dig at the real root of this weight issue. And it has nothing to do with weight at all.

The LORD gave another message to Jeremiah. He said, “Go down to the potter’s shop, and I will speak to you there.” So I did as he told me and found the potter working at his wheel. But the jar he was making did not turn out as he had hoped, so he crushed it into a lump of clay again and started over. Then the LORD gave me this message:  “O Israel, can I not do to you as this potter has done to his clay? As the clay is in the potter’s hand, so are you in my hand.

Jeremiah 18:1-6, NLT

The Potter and His wheel

How many times have we tried to “perfect” that which God gave us? (I said “we,” but I’m really talking to mean me.)

Like nothing we do is good enough. The way we look needs to be modified. Improved upon.

How could we ever be so vain as to think we can improve upon how He created us?

Even though I return week after week to revisit my ultimate goals of getting healthy, this week the question ringing in my mind is: Lord, what does Your “healthy” look like for me?

Because His ways are higher than my ways. His thoughts, higher than my thoughts. 

He is the Potter. I am the clay.

I’ve struggled long enough with trying to fit myself into a mold of my own making.

I want to be pliable in His hands. I may struggle against the friction of the spinning Potter’s wheel. But if I hold steady, His very capable hands will start pushing me into the direction He means for me to go. He will work me and shape me into His masterpiece.

And my friends, He will do the same for you.

The truth? The truth is He loves us more than we could ever comprehend. He understands our battles of trying to become more physically fit, more mentally healthy, more spiritually wise. But sometimes our preconceived notions of “healthy” just might not be anything He has in mind.

So from here on out, instead of focusing all my attention on food and diets and plans and exercises, I’m going to focus on His word. I’m going to seek His direction and help, so that I can come to a clearer understanding of who I am in Him. And what He wants for me.

Because I think that is the key to getting, and living, healthy. It isn’t about how much weight I can lose. Or what kind of special exercise I can try in order to tone my body. It’s about becoming comfortable in my skin and following Him.

He will perfect me. He will give me the strength I need to say no when I need to say no. He will tap on my heart’s door when I veer off in the wrong direction. He will light every path before me.

Because He loves me. He made me. He knows me (and you).

After all, we are God’s greatest masterpiece.

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Filed Under: Accountability, Spiritual Tagged With: , , , 14 Comments

What if I’m a Bad Momma?

February 8, 2012 By 11 Comments

The morning I entered into this wonderful world of motherhood was exciting, joyous, and scary. I wanted to be the best Mother I could. But I was scared and anxious.

What if I mess up and ruined this precious little girl’s life? What if I damage her self-esteem? What if something I say or do forever removes her beautiful smile?

What if?

what is a good mommy?

Image Copyright Hope Wilbanks

I think a lot of us Moms go through this very thing. If we aren’t careful, that anxiety and fear overwhelms and cripples us.

When I gave birth to my son several years later, those nasty fears of not being a good Momma consumed me. Postpartum depression drove me further into a tailspin of anxiety, fear, and self-doubt. I was so overwhelmed with trying not to be a bad Momma that I actually made some of those very mistakes I didn’t want to make. And it’s no wonder why.

I was so focused on the kind of Momma I didn’t want to be that I forgot to determine what kind of Momma I did want to be.

It’s a trap many of us fall into. We think about all the ways we were wounded as a child and purpose that we won’t do that to our children. But by constantly thinking about the negative character traits we don’t want, we actually end up following those same behaviors.

The Very Important Thing I Want You To Know

If you are struggling with something like this, there’s something I want you to know. Something I wish I could go back several years in time and tell the younger me.

Relax. Breathe. You’re doing a great job!

Three Ways To Give Back To You

Far too often we don’t give ourselves credit for the good we do. It’s just so much easier to hone in on our flaws, because we know them intimately. But we are all flawed. Imperfect. Human.

If you aren’t sure how to, here’s what I want you to do. Starting now:

  • Take 5. Walk away. Go to the bathroom and lock the door. Step outside and walk around your front yard. Just take five little minutes for yourself. You’ve earned it.
  • Rehydrate. Grab a glass of ice cold water. Squeeze some fresh lemon in it. Give it a twist. Give your body the one thing it can’t get enough of…good ol’ H2O.
  • Create a routine. For yourself and your babies/children. Routines are so important for children. They create a feeling of safety for them because they know what to expect. Great examples of ways to segue into a routine include: one bedtime story, singing a wake-up song softly to them in the morning, chore charts for older children.
Filed Under: Battles, Emotional Tagged With: , , 11 Comments