About Kristen

I am a "Must Love God." Because I do. Always. But I stumble on a regular basis. I was a high school teacher - now SAHM. I have 3 year old twins. And a in May 2010, my life changed once again. Our son Alexander was born. He has a very rare chromosomal disorder, Wolf Hirschhorn Syndrome. His birth changed our life in a million ways and we continue to count the blessings he brings to us. In the end - it all comes back to loving God. I plan only to watch God unravel his own plan for me. I trust that God will take care of my needs. I love my husband and my children. I falter. But always ... I Love God.

I also have a personal blog: http://www.alittlesomethingforme.com

When You Have a Beatitude

April 23, 2012 By 14 Comments

 

Have you ever had a friend that you just sort of . . . distanced yourself from? You couldn’t really put your finger on it. Or explain quite why it was happening . . . you just called them less. You found yourself calling other friends. You would think about connecting – with a phone call or e-mail, and you put it off instead.

This sort of sums up my relationship with God right now.

I almost wrote about something else. I felt weird coming here and sharing that I’m not as close to God as I usually am.

I didn’t want to really admit it out loud – or to this group of readers. I was going to write something vanilla; something that I know from my heart.

 

I can say that because the Bible and God are still in my heart. They still live there. But . . . the post of my heart is this one. I am out of touch. It is my own doing. And I am working my way through it.

I actually found the courage to write this post after my women’s Bible Study. I shared with them my “non-desire” to pray. Honestly, I’m not sure if it is Alexander’s approaching birthday or the memories of all those horrible things the doctors told us or just … a phase of the moon. But I was reassured by how many women shared they also had periods of time when they felt distanced from God. In fact, I learned that even Mother Teresa felt distanced from God for a period of time. Although I dislike that her private thoughts were shared against her wishes, I do find comfort in knowing that such a
holy figure struggled as I am.

The Bible actually describes this phenomenon – in Matthew… as part of the Beatitudes:

Matthew 5: 1-12

1 Now when Jesus saw the crowds, he went up on a mountainside and sat down.  His disciples came to him, 2 and he began to teach them.

The Beatitudes

He said:

3 “Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
4 Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
5 Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the earth.
6 Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled.
7 Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.
8 Blessed are the pure in heart,
for they will see God.
9 Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called children of God.
10 Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

11“Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds
of evil against you because of me. 12 Rejoice and be glad, because great is your
reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

 

 

Matthew 5:3 – “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.”

I think that Jesus was offering us grace, as always, in this verse. He knew that we would
never be able to love God with a perfect love. We would only be able to accept God’s
perfect love for us. As humans, we are subject to the travelings of a human heart. I think
Jesus was letting us know that as long as we continued to repair a strained relationship
with God – we were still considered blessed. I believe, that as much as we are encouraged
to shout our love for the Lord from the rooftops, we are only to do it for the right reasons
– because our heart tells us to.

And… if we cannot shout, we can whisper it until our voice returns. My love for the Lord
has not stopped, and I cannot explain this crisis over my heart. I can only ask for prayers
that it passes quickly and thank God for the blessing of grace.

Filed Under: Battles, Emotional, Spiritual Tagged With: , , , , , , 14 Comments

How to Survive the Election Season as a Christian.

March 16, 2012 By 1 Comment

“Christians, Unite!”

No wait. That isn’t what I want to say.

“Christians, Stand firm!”

Not quite what I wanted to say either.

Here is the thing. God calls us. He calls us to be good people, follow his word, and love him. He doesn’t call us to be democrats or republicans. He doesn’t call us to a political party – and I think we all need to remember that.

As Americans, I hope all people exercise their right to vote. But, it is difficult to muddle through the “politics” of it all and decide who is best to run our country. I can tell you this – all of our Presidents have been Christians. And that gives me great comfort as we enter this season in our country.

So how do you know? How do you decide? Pro-choice, pro-life, pro-death penalty, anti-death penalty, pro- guns, anti-guns…the list goes on. Politicians don’t have a strict, “I’m a Christian, so here is my political plan based on the Bible” platform. (And not all who
claim to have one stand firm on it.)

My answer to this question is, Pray first. You may not find a politician that matches every single thing you have ever believed. That is ok. There are many politicians and checks and balances to help weigh those things out. Pray, and ask for guidance on voting day. Pray for the person you feel is most suited for the job. Pray for that person to be led by Christ. A prayer of winning is good, but a prayer for a walk with God is amazing. A walk with God can change lives in many ways, and even if the person you like doesn’t win–that doesn’t mean they won’t run again.

My second word of advice – for all Christians – is tolerance. Remember your fellow Christians. Just because someone chooses a different leader or a different political party, does not make them un-Christian. Remember that God has a hand in all of our lives. God may be leading this person down a different path. My husband and I have completely different political philosophies. But, I don’t doubt for a minute that he loves God as much as I do, and I believe we will be together in heaven.

This election season seems to be more “religiously charged” than many of the past. It is hard to determine what messages are coming from God and what messages are part of propaganda to entice voters. We, as Christians, have a difficult task…..

But, praying for guidance is always a great way to start. And – tolerating other views is… Christ like. Remember, God will judge us all at the end. You can be passionate about policies and face other people who are equally passionate – but in opposition of your policies. This really doesn’t have anything to do with loving God.

Filed Under: Battles, Mental, Spiritual Tagged With: , , , 1 Comment

I Don’t Want to Go…. But I’m Scared Not To.

January 29, 2012 By 35 Comments

 I don’t want to go.

But I’m scared not to…

Image credit

 

Our church is having its first “service for healing.”

This is the church I grew up in. I’ll just go ahead and tell you that we are United Methodists. And, although United Methodists do believe in the “power of healing” – we have never actually had a service like this that I can remember – and I’m a 30-year attendee.

 

I’m sure you are asking yourself why this is such a big deal? Why I would fret over such a little thing? Why don’t I just… not go?

 

Alexander. It all comes down to Alexander.

 

For those of you who don’t read my personal blog – Alexander is my youngest son. He is almost two years old and weighs 12 lbs. He wears 6 month clothing. He has a rare genetic disorder – Wolf Hirschhorn Syndrome.

 

He is developmentally around the age of 3-6 months. He does not yet sit unassisted or stand or talk. And… he uses a g-tube for some of his nourishment. Although he progresses slowly – it really doesn’t bother me. I believe he will continue to progress – slowly, but surely. I also believe that he is perfect as God made him. And… I love him.

 

With this all consuming – protect you until I cannot do anymore – love.

 

Because of my love for Alexander – I have all these thoughts. Should I do this for you? Should I take you and let the “hands of healing” touch you? What if it helps you to – not struggle so much? What if it helps to control your seizures? (Since September, Alexander has had 3 Grand Mal seizures, 9 ear infections, 1 UTI, and 1 bout of pneumonia.) I’m not asking God to change you. I love you the way you are. But… if it meant you had less ear infections, less seizures, less struggling…. Could I bring myself to deny you that blessing?

 

Ugh. I think the real struggle for me is – I’m not sure I totally believe in the “healing service.” It is not a God issue. I completely believe God has the ability to heal Alexander. I believe Alexander is part of God’s plan. I believe God has touched Alexander. God has the ability to do all things. However…

 

Will he? Will he come to our church and cast blessings of healing during this service? Blessings he wouldn’t give us unless we go and have the “laying of hands?” I pray for Alexander… isn’t that enough? What will this service do that regular prayer won’t?

 

Which leads me to an even bigger theological dilemma. If I took Alexander to this service – to get the blessing of healing in the hopes that “It can’t hurt,” – but I don’t believe 100%… isn’t that like taking communion when you don’t believe in Jesus? I just don’t think I should offer up Alexander for a blessing if I’m not 100% sold that this service is (for lack of a better term) real.

 

**Sigh** I don’t know what to do.
I don’t want to go.
But I’m scared not to.

 

I’m going to have to pray about this between now and the service. Anyone have some insight?

Filed Under: Battles, Physical, Spiritual Tagged With: , , , , 35 Comments