Lifestyle Changes

February 4, 2013 By 2 Comments

Last month I wrote on a new diagnosis that my hubs had received.
On January 1st we started Whole30. Basically, Paleo on steroids.

I’ve done great….except for the cheating. I have been using ‘real’ creamer in my coffee, and we had a total bust weekend where we threw caution to the wind and ate what we wanted.

Hubs and I have done Body for Life. On their system you get a cheat day. Well. Let me tell you. My body was NOT HAPPY! My, ahem, plumbing specifically.

This Whole30 is going to be our new way of eating. Paleo actually. We may do Whole30 once in a while to reset if needed.

The positives outweigh the negatives. I’ve had more energy. I’ve had less bloating. I lost 8 pounds in a month with hardly any exercise. Think of how well I could have done if I had worked out too!

I am here to encourage you! You will NOT regret doing Whole30!

 

Filed Under: Battles, Goals, Physical, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , 2 Comments

My One Word: Reckless

January 7, 2013 By 7 Comments

I’m a very shy person.  (To my close friends who are reading this and laughing – stop.  I know you well, so you don’t count!)  Until I get to know someone, until I’m comfortable in a situation, I tend to be withdrawn and quiet.  I don’t like to make waves.  But this year is going to be different.  This year I’m going to be bolder, more daring, ready to take chances.

I’m going to be reckless.

It may seem like a strange choice for my one-word resolution, but I’ve never been so excited about a New Year’s resolution, and I’ve never felt God leading me to one as strongly as I feel this.

So what inspired it?  There were a couple of big influences.  First is the Jeremy Camp song by the same name…

Next is Francis Chan, whose book Crazy Love completely changed my life and my faith.  Kat at Inspired to Action shared this video a few weeks ago, and this sums up what God has been dealing with me about recently:

How much of my life have I spent hugging the balance beam, trying to love God and be safe?  But “safe” doesn’t do great things for God – reckless does.  God loves me with reckless abandon – how can I give Him anything less?  This year, I want to step out of my comfort zone and see where God takes me.  It’s scary…but it’s exciting, too, and I’m ready to be reckless.

Filed Under: One Word, Revolution, Spiritual Tagged With: , , , , , , 7 Comments

Love Came to Stay

December 19, 2012 By Leave a Comment

It’s advent season. For four weeks, people all over the world are following devotionals, reading stories, doing crafts and hanging ornaments on trees. They are preparing their hearts for a celebration of Christ’s birth. They are celebrating Immanuel, God with us.  Love came down and I have the privilege of writing about it.

There is a problem, though. I do not feel like it.

Don’t get me wrong. I love Christmas. I love everything about it: the lights, the smells, the music and the mayhem. I love trees, elves, stockings and Saint Nicolas. I love advent stories and songs about baby Jesus. There is not one thing about Christmas I dislike.

This year, I am having trouble getting into the spirit of it all. If you could see my house, you would understand.

There are boxes piled from floor to ceiling in almost every room. Despite daily sweeping, I cannot keep the floor clean. My walls are drab, my tables are bare and my shelves are empty. Why all the chaos?

We are moving. Just eleven days before Christmas, we are moving across the border. We are leaving my husband’s homeland and returning to mine. Well, my country of origin, anyway. My homeland will still be thousands of miles away.

That is not all. From where I sit, I can see a stack of children’s clothing. They are all clothes suitable for the dress code at a private school. I have set them aside to pack in a suitcase that will be easily spotted and quickly unpacked. You see, five days after we move, my children will no longer be home schooled.

After teaching my children at home for eight years, I will be handing them over to be educated by someone else. It was a difficult decision which was only made after a lot of prayer. Even as I write the words to be published for the very first time, I feel a mix of flutters and pangs.

All this change comes after a season full of struggles. The change is good, but it is consuming.

My mind is consumed with change.

I see all the advent devotionals and activities others plan to do. I have even downloaded a few for free. I know what time of year it is, but I cannot sync my mind or my heart with the rest of the world.

When I started this post, I was feeling a little down about it. I seriously wondered how I could write this. How can I write a post for advent when the only thing I am waiting for is the removal of all these boxes? Then I realized that it is alright. It is just fine that I am not into it this year.

You see, love did not come down so that I would tune in my heart for one month a year. Love did not come down so that I would remember only on special days.

No, love came down in the form of a baby who would grow up to eventually leave, but not to leave forever. He left so that He could return as the Spirit to live with us forever. Not just to live with us, but to live in us. Every day is special in Him.

So, in a season when most of Christendom turns their minds to the coming of the newborn King, I am choosing to walk with Him through the season He has chosen for me. This year, my advent is in anticipation of the great changes God is bringing about.

If you think about it, isn’t that what we should all be doing? After a season full of difficulties, love came down and brought about change. Now, every year we celebrate that change and look forward to the transformation it brings to our daily lives and even more so, to the consummation of it all.

Next year, I will join you. I will pull out my favourite Christmas books and devotionals. I will do cheerful little crafts with my children and teach them what all these symbols mean. Next year, I will celebrate this special time of year as I always have.

Until then, I will embrace each day as special and remember that love came down to stay.

(P.S. Don’t worry. I will pull out the Christmas tree along with all the books and music as soon as I finish unpacking my kitchen. My children will not go without Christmas this year; the season will just not be as long as usual.)

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Anything But Safe

October 12, 2012 By Leave a Comment

Image courtesy of James Baker / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

 

I’m a huge Narnia fan…I’ve read the series several times, and we own all the movies that have been released so far.  By far, one of my favorite scenes is the conversation in The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe between Lucy and Mr. Beaver about Aslan…

“Then he isn’t safe?” said Lucy.

“Safe?” said Mr Beaver; “don’t you hear what Mrs Beaver tells you? Who said anything about safe? ‘Course he isn’t safe. But he’s good…”

In the past few months, things have been changing a lot for me.  I knew that God was getting ready to do something, to move me in a new direction.  He started  giving me new dreams and goals, and bringing back to the forefront dreams that I had pushed aside years ago.  He’s been making things even clearer the past couple of weeks.

I’m excited…but I’m also shaking in my boots.  Scared out of my mind.  Absolutely terrified.  I’m standing on the brink of huge new God-sized dreams, and I’m thinking to myself, “You have lost your mind.  You’re insane.  What on earth were you thinking?”  But I think that’s exactly what God wants.

I think we’ve made a terrible mistake in our Christian walk.  God has called to us to dream big, to be world changers – but we think He’s simply called us to be safe.  God is anything but safe.  He’s good…but He’s never safe.  Abraham wasn’t safe when he left his homeland to follow a God he’d never known before.  Joseph wasn’t safe when he was sold into slavery.  The disciples certainly weren’t safe when they gave up everything to follow Jesus.  But they chased their dreams anyway – and they changed the world.

If our dreams aren’t leaving us feeling at least a little scared, they’re probably not big enough.  College still scares me almost every day.  After I graduate, one of my dreams is to go on short-term medical missions trips.  Am I excited?  Yes!  But the thought of leaving my family for 10 to 14 days and flying off to a foreign country leaves me a little nervous.  As I take the first steps toward some of the other dreams God is speaking to me about, I’ve found myself literally shaking as I forge ahead.  I believe that God is going to honor my steps of obedience, especially in the face of my fears.  My fears are laced with a lot of excitement about where He’s going to take me.

Are you ready to take steps toward God-sized dreams?  I would love to chat with you.

What’s your big dream – the one that leaves you shaking with both excitement and fear?

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Fall Harvest and Hope

October 1, 2012 By Leave a Comment

I can feel it… a small change in the air!  Just when I think I have had enough of the hot summer weather, the morning air rises with me, and I notice it.  The subtle change tells me that Fall will be coming soon enough, and the lazy, easy days of summer will be gone. 

Some of us have had a wonderful summer… others have had quite a difficult one. 

Here in Colorado we dealt with devastating forest fires and a loss of life in a theater shooting.  Our state seemed to be in the national news all summer long.  We are hurting here, and there are many who began their summer not knowing they would lose their home or a loved one.  I have seen the burnt out sides of a mountain and memorials with flowers, candles, and stuffed animals.  It all hurts my heart, and I have prayed daily for our state and its people. Others elsewhere are also dealing with devastating floods.  Our nation right now seems so fragile… we are in need of change.

But with the change of seasons, comes the realization that nothing stays the same whether it be our emotions or our surroundings.  Even our bodies are changing daily… this is just a part of HIS creation.  And if we realize that change is an everyday part of our lives, then we will never lose HOPE.  No matter how bleak our circumstances, HOPE is just a change away… just a heartbeat away… just a moment away for any of us! 

If we are steadfast and patient in our daily sufferings or problems, and we all have them, then we will see this hope clearly when we look through the lens of GOD, or when we study HIS word.  If we are in tune with our GOD, then we realize that HE put this hope within us.  It is part of our makeup.  Our GOD is the GOD of HOPE.  When all else fails, and we are at the end of ourselves… HE is our GOD of HOPE…our only answer!

Sometimes it is hard to get up and put one foot in front of another… when we wake, we have 24 hours to live in GOD’S  hope! We can “be joyful in hope, patient in affliction.” Romans 12:12.  And it is CHRIST that gives us this hope for a future, and for our heavenly home.  This hope should be an anchor for our souls each and every day.

I don’t know about you, but Fall is my favorite time of year… the start of school, the color change, the holidays around the corner… all give me a sense of hope!  My Shepherd in Christ, went before me, died on the cross for me, to give me this hope I feel and understand today.

Whatever you are experiencing this time in your life, I do hope that you will find this coming Fall as a time to harvest a new hope!  Christ’s HOPE is like none other… it is eternal… it is everlasting… it is for you, and it is for me!

HEBREWS 6:19 “This HOPE we have as an anchor of the soul, both sure and steadfast…”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Sabrina Fair

August 29, 2012 By 1 Comment

My favorite movie says a lot about me.  It tells you that beneath my tomboyish, “boy mom” exterior, I’m a pretty sappy romantic at heart.  It explains my strange desire to go to Paris and sit by a bridge with my coffee and my journal.  It also tells you a lot about my battles with self-esteem.

Ever seen Sabrina?

I’ve seen both, but I heart the “new” version with Harrison Ford, Greg Kinnear, and Julia Ormond.  If you’ve never watched it, go rent it.  It’s awesome.  I can quote large portions of the movie.  I’ll give you a quick summary.  Sabrina is a chauffer’s daughter who lives in an apartment above the garage with her widowed dad, who works for the mega-rich Larrabee family.  She is a shy, awkward, frizzy haired girl who is in love with David Larrabee, the youngest son.  In an effort to end her fixation with David and help her find herself, Sabrina’s dad sends her to Paris to work for a fashion magazine.  She returns home transformed, and – well, you’ll just have to rent the movie to find out the rest.

The movie came out in late 1995, when I was a sophomore in high school.  I fell in love with it when I first saw it.  I was a young Sabrina, and I longed to become a beautiful, sophisticated, talented woman like she did.  I was tall, skinny, awkward, clumsy, and painfully shy.  While most of my friends were getting their braces off, I was just getting mine on.  I had a few close friends, but a shy book lover who lived and breathed horses and horseback riding didn’t fit anywhere in my very cliquish high school.  I wasn’t pretty, athletic, or outgoing.  Add to that a messed up family background and having to constantly explain why my grandparents were raising me – and you had a pretty big mess with tons of emotional baggage.

Things started changing for me as I grew up a little, as they often do, but it’s hard to shake that inner voice that tells you you’re not good enough.  It followed me into my marriage and into motherhood.  It followed me for years, until one day I started listening – really listening – to what God had been trying to tell me all along.  He told me:

Jeremiah 29:11

‘For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.

Psalm 139:13

For You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother’s womb.

Isaiah 49:16

“Behold, I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands; Your walls are continually before Me.

God made me, and He made great plans for me.  He gives me my value – not my looks, my brains, my abilities, or anything else in this life – and to Him, I’m a priceless treasure, a treasure worth dying for.  If He feels that way about me, nothing else matters.  I may never get to Paris, and I’m certainly no Sabrina Fairchild, but I’m something far better – I’m precious in God’s sight.

That gives me all the confidence I need.

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Signs That You’re Not a Traditional College Student

June 11, 2012 By 1 Comment

I’m considered a “non-traditional” college student.  That’s the nice way to say I’m an old college student.  It became very obvious how out-of-place I was when I went back to college in 2010, ten years after I dropped out of college before my junior year.  I started to notice things like:

  1. When I asked if I had the right classroom, the kid who answered called me ma’am.
  2. I felt awkward calling my microbiology professor “Mr.” because he’s the same age as me.
  3. While the younger students talked about tanning and their weekend plans, I found other moms and discussed breastfeeding and tee ball games.
  4. My car is older than some of my classmates.
  5. I realized that when I got married, most of my classmates were in elementary school.

I have questioned my sanity many times since I decided to go back to school, and especially since I was accepted into the dental hygiene program.  This program is the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life.  Going back to school at 30 is probably the craziest thing I’ve ever done.  Going back to school with a pastor husband, two kids, and a 30 hour a week job is complete insanity.

Going back to school when I know beyond any shadow of a doubt that this is where God wants me at this stage in my life makes perfect sense…even if the circumstances don’t make sense.

One thing I’ve learned is that God doesn’t always call us to do the “normal” thing or the “safe” thing.  In fact, He often calls us to do crazy things.  He calls us to take giant leaps of faith.  He calls us to push ourselves to our absolute limits…then He helps us push a little further.  He calls us to deal with more than we think we can handle…then He picks us up and carries us further.  He made us to keep learning, to keep changing, to keep growing.

That’s what our faith is all about, too.  We’ll never be perfect until we reach heaven.  As long as we’re breathing, we have to keep growing and learning and changing – and we’re not going to grow unless we push ourselves.  We have to keep trying new things and learning new things.  Do you have a dream or a goal that you gave up on when you were younger?  Maybe God is calling you to go for it now.

You’re never too old to stop learning!

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Who Do I Blame?

May 24, 2012 By 1 Comment

Must Love God
It’s time for some major changes in my life.  I’ve been thinking about it, praying about it, and setting goals.  I’ve also been thinking about how I got here, to the weight and out-of-shape condition I find myself in.  I’ve decided it’s time to place blame on some people, and I know exactly who is responsible for this – me, myself, and I.

It’s that simple.  Yes, I’ve been stressed.  Yes, life was hard for a while this year.  But ultimately, I made some bad decisions, and now I’m paying the price for them.  I was stressed – and I chose to eat a cupcake (or two) instead of yogurt.  I was depressed – and I chose to binge (because there are very few things in life that coffee and chocolate can’t make better).  I was busy – and I chose to put my workouts on the back burner.  Now I’m not happy with my weight, I’m out of shape, and I have only myself and my poor choices to blame for it.

I have to change…but that’s the problem.  I can’t.  Not on my own.  I don’t have the will power or the self-control to make the changes myself.  So this time, I’m doing things differently.  I’m looking at my health for what it is – not just a physical thing, but a spiritual thing.  1 Corinthians 6:20 says, “For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body.”  I’m asking God for help and strength to make the right choices.  I’m also adding accountability – from my husband (who has similar goals), from this amazing community, and from friends.

Today on my personal blog, I’m sharing my specific goals for the rest of the year – simple changes that I believe will make a big difference in my life.  I’m putting it all out there, publicly, because I need you – I need others with the same goals to help me.  We need each other.  We can’t do this alone – but with each other, and most of all with God, we can do anything.

Must Love God


Filed Under: Accountability, Physical Tagged With: , , , , , 1 Comment

When the Creek Still Rises

April 11, 2012 By 2 Comments

Pray for waders,  and maybe a boat.

Seriously though, sometimes life can really suck.  For instance, the past year of my life has been full of the most rewarding and simultaneously difficult moments of my life.

God gave me a boyfriend who has helped me find my light again, despite the fact that I seemed determined to drown it in despair.  God also gave me my boyfriend’s teenage daughter.

I’m sure there are some step-parents out there, but for those of you that haven’t had the pleasure, suddenly becoming a maternal figure for a 15 year old girl (who also happens to be much taller than me) can feel a lot like diving into a rushing river before realizing you don’t know how to swim.

For the sake of privacy, I’ll refer to her as “Miss M”.  She’s beautiful, funny, smart and a complete mystery to me.  As the product of a broken home and a lifetime of conflicting disciplinary tactics, Miss M manages to combine the inherent attitude of a hormonal teenager with the self-righteous enthusiasm of someone who feels they’ve suffered more at the hands of the “cruel universe” than anyone else alive.

Before I go further, let me add that I’ve grown to love this young lady unconditionally.  I feel a little weird admitting some of the less-than-friendly feelings I’ve experienced, but my hope is that someone living through a similar situation will see that there is land on the other side of that river.

This past fall, she moved in with her father when her mother moved to another county.  I expected there to be challenges, but I was woefully unprepared for what followed.  Between the slipping grades, the boy drama and never-ending power struggles between parent and child, the tension in the house was palpable, and the slightest off-hand remark could turn the kitchen table into a war zone.  I have a natural aversion to conflict – a physical reaction that usually leaves me feeling shaky and ill – so these encounters often left me questioning my decision to be involved at all.

Outside of the war zone, I was dealing with ongoing unemployment and the unhappy legal proceedings associated with a divorce.  I was an adult living with my parents after a decade of living on my own.  At every turn it seemed that I was faced with yet another challenge: the economy was terrible, my depression was deepening, my car was falling apart, and guess what…the cat barfed on the carpet.

So I prayed.  So much of my life felt outside of my control that it felt like prayer was the only step I could take.  I’d tuck myself under the covers at night and repeat the Lord’s Prayer over and over and over.  I didn’t pray for God to fix things; I prayed for God to give me the strength to see His will.  The rains were falling, and the creek was rising, and I really needed Him to teach me to swim.

And He did.

He showed me sides of myself I didn’t know I had – I found the strength to be one of the few people Miss M trusts completely.  He gave me the courage to assert myself during confrontations in order to return peace to dinnertime.  He blessed me with a big sister that listened to hours of whining on the phone to patiently remind me that God had a plan for me, and that He never gives us more than we can handle.

The waters still rise, and occasionally the floods return, but when they do, I stop and I pray until the rain is done.

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When the Line Blurs…..

February 29, 2012 By 3 Comments

 

Gatton Hall 10K Run - July 2011 - The Leading Lady in the Home Straight
Creative Commons License photo credit: gareth1953

I crouched to the ground, balancing on my hands, and placed my feet in the starting blocks. Then I carefully placed my fingers just so, as close to the white line as I could without touching it. I raised my head and focused on the finish line as I waited for the gun to fire.

I was a sprinter. My goal was simple – get out of the blocks fast and never look back. My focus was to run in a straight line without stopping until I crossed that finish line.

When I was in high school, college, and even in my early twenties I was focused on the finish line. The race didn’t matter to me – graduation, more honors, a job, more recognition….I never got tired of racing straight towards the finish line.

Then I got married and that straight path I was on started to blur. I became focused on being the best wife I could, the best pastor’s wife, the best employee.

Then I struggled with miscarriages and that all-important straight path got blurrier still. I quit my job and struggled to find my purpose as *just* a wife.

Then I became a momma against all odds…and suddenly the straight path I was running on was gone. I felt lost and confused – for most of my life I had run straight, and suddenly I had no idea how to navigate this new path which was full of hills, curves, stop signs and dead ends.

I was scared, and feared that I would never find my way to that straight path again.

After four years I still have yet to find that straight path. Instead, I’m becoming more comfortable on this hilly road called motherhood. I don’t get a medal for cleaning up yet another dirty diaper, or keeping up with the laundry, or wiping milk off the floor for the 15th time. I’ve been up and down and all around more times than I can count, and there are days when I long for that straight path and the comfort that came with it.

Until I am smothered with kisses from Bella and asked to play *just one more* game with Sophie – and suddenly this new road is exactly where I want to be.

What path are you running along?

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